Baby Shower Invites SUCK

My husband did one of the sweetest things EVER yesterday.  To all infertiles, you’ll get this.  To all of you who have cute little monsters, you will hardly understand.  But feel free to read and think your thoughts about “these infertiles are beotches”.  Well, we aren’t, we’re just aching.

My husband works in the same building with a couple who have gone through FOUR IVFs unsuccessfully.  The wife was diagnosed with having “egg” issues.  Last July, they got pregnant on their own.  Now, they’re in their early 30s, so they aren’t quite facing the cement wall of age like I am, but still, to go through FOUR IVFs, well, we know how that goes.  Yesterday, I came home from work and on the counter was a baby shower invite for this wife.  Instantly, I got sick to my stomach and felt like crying.  Although she’s “one of us”, it still felt like a knife to my heart.

Husband stepped it up and said this:

“I was going to throw that out before you even saw it, because I knew how it’d affect you.  Thought you could do without it.  But I didn’t.  I’m sorry.”

He got it.  He, who already has a biological child, got my pain.  He understood, even if just for a minute.  He knew what it was like to be in my shoes. 

Infertility stories are love stories.  Although difficult and painful beyond belief, our story is OUR love story.  Little moments like this remind me of why we want children together.  Not just to have children, but to have them with each other.



  1. Stephanie said,

    February 7, 2010 at 1:17 am

    I love this post. Its true — it’s not just about having a baby, but having it WITH someone. Sorry about the crappy invite thing, but your husband sounds awesome.

  2. T said,

    February 7, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    That was a wonderful thing for him to say. He’s thinking about you even when you don’t know it. We need to give our spouses more credit. Lord knows I need to do that a little more often. It’s not intentional I’m just too sensitive. IF tends to make us all sensitive at one point or another and it’s difficult to turn it off.

    You married you husband for love. You will get through this together.


  3. Kami said,

    February 8, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I understand. I have one of those cute little monsters – after 4 fresh IVF cycles with my eggs and 1 with DE at 39 years old – and I still shed a tear reading this. Damn it is hard.

    She is “one of you” and she isn’t. She is – that they did fertility treatments. She isn’t because she is on the way toward their mutually genetic child and the end of your story is still unknown.

    I’m sorry for your recent BFN and for the added sting of this invitation.

  4. February 9, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    I feel for you. I have been through five unsuccessful IVFs and of course during this battle have seen many, many IFers go on to have success. They always say they are still ‘one of us’ but I’m just not so sure…while they do know struggle, they don’t know struggle without the happy ending.

    I recently wrote a post about ‘infertility stories are love stories’ which is one of my new favorite phrases.

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