Not pregnant

This is how I feel, except worse.  And I’m not that cute.  Words can’t even describe the depression I’m now entering.  It will be a while before I smile again.  It will be a while before I find joy in life.  Into my cave.  I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that we can’t have children.  Wow.  Right now I’m pissed, angry, aching, depressed, hurt, sad, hating pregnant people (unless through IVF!), and bitter.  I’m a 40 year old bitter barren woman.  Piss on my stupid period which came this morning.  Why us??!

One more thing.  This just came up on the news.  We can’t have children, yet she can.  WTH?  Suffocating a twin, because he was crying?!



  1. T said,

    January 26, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts. Did you get your period already? It sounded like you did. At least that part is over. It’s even worse when they tell you to continue the meds. until AF comes. It’s like adding insult to injury. It’s depressing and painful and it’s not fair. I wish I could give you a big hug right now 😦 .


  2. Soapchick said,

    January 29, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    I’m so sorry for your pain. I understand completely and have been there. I’m 41 and also cannot have children. Take the time to griieve and take care of yourself. You will be happy again, just hold onto that hope during these dark days. Hugs.

  3. Riley said,

    January 29, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    I know what you mean – all these dumbasses in the world can have children with no problem, but then people like us try everything in the world and nothing works. I am so, so sorry this last attempt did not work for you. I’m a 39yo bitter barren woman – it truly does suck and is so unfair. Stay in your cave as long as you need. I hope joy finds you in the future.

  4. January 30, 2010 at 1:10 am

    I am so very sorry.

  5. T said,

    February 1, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Hey you, are you doing okay? Don’t sink into a deep depression, we’ve all been there. Get it out on paper or your blog.

    Hope your new position is going well.


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