I’m struggling….

I went out and bought a pack of 3 HPTs.  I showed my husband, who then got a bit upset.  He wants me to promise him I won’t take a test earlier then the date I’m supposed to.  Uh, obviously he doesn’t know me too well.  We women wanting children will pee on any stick, anywhere, any time.  I said I couldn’t promise him.  That made him a bit mad, but I’m being honest.  Now I’m scared to POAS.  I know, I’m supposed to have hope, faith, and positive thinking.  I can tell I’m struggling with everything, because I’m wanting to go back into my “cave”.  Hide from everyone.  Don’t talk about anything that has to do with kids.  I can’t watch tv shows or movies that mention “mommy” or show little babies, otherwise I’ll cry.  The cave protects me from what I fear.

Right now I’m watching Superman Returns.  Louis Lane had a kid with Superman from sleeping with him one night.  WTH?  Obviously, she’s not 40.  Today at work I think I googled every site under the sun regarding taking HPTs after 5 day transfers.  Numerous people got positives 5dp5dt.  Gulp.  Do I dare?

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